I am still trying to work out where I fit in this world, funnily enough. I do not feel I have a close relationship with my mother or my sisters; I have always been seen as the 'odd one out'. It doesn't really bother me as my values and beliefs are quite different to theirs, and this was really obvious to me after my grandmother's funeral. What does bother me is the sense of loss in relation to 'connections' and 'belonging'. Sometimes I feel like I am a bit of a "Nowhere (wo)Man" (John Butler Trio's wonderful song with its title paraphrased by me). The Groom says that it's okay, we have each other and most importantly we have our own family we have created together. He is right, of course.
Anyway, today I have been thinking about the things I am grateful for. I try to do this when I am feeling down or 'sad and sorry' for myself. So here goes:
- A home to live in and to care for
- A family to love and who loves me back
- Money to buy whatever I need
- My red dog who feels comfortable enough to want to lay all over me whenever she can
- My white dog who is relatively small enough to still be picked up for a brief hug before I have to put her down again because she is too heavy for me
- A nice car that can take me places I need or want to go
- The sense of smell so I can enjoy the smell of our dinner wafting through the house as it sits simmering on the stove (it's a stew with leftover vegetables and roast lamb from during the week)
- The gift of life for another day!
I sent off my other grandmother's hand made shopping bag and knitted dishcloth/duster last week. I have also found a lovely doll pattern on AllFreeCrafts for a Sleepy Time Doll. I am going to make matching dolls for my daughter and a niece. But rather than fill it with wadding I shall use wheat and lavender flowers so it can be used as a heat pillow. Both girls are very 'girly' and are looking forward to me getting around to making it! I am also considering making some pretty bunting for my daughter's window in her bedroom and also a lovely string of fabric hearts. Considering Christmas is coming up I may even make some Christmas-ey ones!
I love searching for other people's blogs and see what they do and how they live in order to make their lives and the world a better place. So far I am liking Little Eco Footprints, Frugal Family Fun Blog, and as always, Down to Earth to catch the latest words of wisdom from Rhonda. In a sense, I consider Rhonda as a kind of mother or grandmother figure for me. A woman who is dispensing all the sorts of advice my mother ought to have, and the type my grandmothers did but I probably didn't take notice of as I was just a typical teenager who couldn't be told anything at the time they were trying to teach me things!
A big hurrah for women around the world who are more than happy to share their knowledge like Rhonda does. And a big hurrah to you, too, for being who you are!