I am forever thankful I attended her funeral. I heard stories about her I've never heard, and we reminisced over ones we'd heard hundreds of times before. I wandered through her house, remembering little things that may not mean anything to anyone else but me. I gently stroked her pillow, ran my hands over the chair she sat on, stared into her wardrobe. Remembering all that I know and loved about her. The most important part for me was to be able to keep some of the things she owned or take home some of the things I have sent her over the years that she has treasured and kept. My aunty will be boxing up other things and posting them to me, things that wouldn't mean anything to anyone, but provide a stronger link between my grandmother and me. Like her old Tupperware. Old photographs. A tea cup. Silly little things that others may consider unworthy of keeping. Once my aunt has gone through everything, Salvation Army or the like will be asked to collect everything else. This upsets the bowerbird in me, but then again, we cannot keep everything. My grandmother literally kept everything - even all of her old lotto tickets from years gone by, we even found receipts for furniture from the 1950's!
I'm still hurting, but I know that life goes on. I'm feeling different somehow. I don't know in what way, but I know there are things in my life I have to change or re-evaluate. I know my focus is to be more on family and less on 'stuff'. Life is to short to chase after one thing or another that we think will make us happy or better, even though deep down we know that is not the case.
While I'm not an overly religious person, I've been drawn to Psalms and Proverbs in the past couple of days. I've written out a whole heap and will take my time in reading them and working out what they mean to me and why I've been drawn to them.